Marriage advice: taking your husband for granted

With the pace of today’s busy lifestyles, it is sometimes easy to take one’s husband for granted. Here are ways to assure that doesn’t happen.

One thing that newlywed couples or those just beginning to date often discuss and promise each other is that they will never take each other for granted. The thought is a lovely one and many people put forth a good effort to make it become a reality. Many times along life’s path, however, things get in the way to make this promise and the good intentions get lost and forgotten.

There are many ways for a wife to make sure that she isn’t unknowingly taking her husband for granted. By remembering these things, she also gets the bonus of keeping the spark of romance alive in the marriage. First and foremost, be available and reachable for him. Getting totally absorbed in one’s own life is what causes feelings of being taken for granted in many cases.


Make sure that your husband knows he is one of your priorities. With juggling a career, family, and everything else that demands time in today’s lifestyles, this is not always an easy thing to accomplish, but it is an important factor.

So what are some tangible ways to begin correcting a possible problem of having taken your husband for granted? A good first step is to sit down with a paper and pencil and take a trip down memory lane, either by yourself or with your spouse. Make notes of things you did together when the romance was new. Write down a list of things you both enjoyed in the past. How did you spend your time together before it got lost somewhere along the way?

Plan to either revive some of those activities or start brand new traditions together. This might include things like picnics by the lake on Sunday afternoons or movie matinees on Saturday mornings. Other possibilities may be things such as playing board or word games, a burger and shake after the weekly grocery shopping, reading or writing poetry to each other, or dozens of other possible ideas.

The next step is making sure that you follow through with your plan. If your husband will enjoy a special dinner for just the two of you once a week, make it happen. If there are children in the house, arrange for a sitter if you are going out for the meal, or if the meal is being served at home, perhaps the children could spend a couple of hours with grandma or a trusted neighbor, friend, or at a sitter’s house.

Married couples sometimes have a “date night” set aside. The idea behind it is the same premise as the romantic dinner just described. Plan for Friday nights or Saturday nights to be your date night and the two of you will have fun planning them each week. Maybe you would enjoy taking turns with planning date night. Anything you would both enjoy doing from listening to music to an overnight or weekend getaway a few times a year is a fun idea to plan.

There is one very easy way to let your husband know that you are not taking him for granted. Tell him that you appreciate him and everything he does for you and for the family. Tell him how you feel about him and tell him often. Buy a romantic card for him once in a while, or even just a thank you card for the things that he does. Everyone has a basic need to know that they are appreciated, so the easiest way not to take someone for granted is to let them know they are valued and needed.

Marriages often start out with joint decisions on everything that comes along that will affect the home or the family. As time passes, it sometimes gets easy to make unilateral decisions, but allowing that to happen could be the start of taking your partner for granted, so try not to let that become an issue.

Loss of communication is a good first sign that a partner is feeling that they are being taken for granted. If days (or weeks!) go by without much talking, without the “how was your day” dialog, unfortunately it will start getting progressively easier to keep doing the same.

Last but certainly not least, be sure to be supportive to your husband. This does not mean to go along with everything he says if you disagree with a decision or an action he is taking. It simply means that if there are areas in which as a wife, you can say things like “I agree with you” or even “good job!” it means a lot for a partner to hear such support.

A good bottom line is to be sure to acknowledge your husband. If you appreciate what he does for you or the family, tell him that. If the way he still gets excited over Christmas or fishing or planning a vacation, let him know that it makes you smile to see him that way. Perhaps the easiest way to not take advantage of the man you married is to simply communicate with him



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