Dating is necessary because it provides the opportunity to learn about oneself and it creates a safe environment to discover others in preparation for marriage. However the society we live in has given dating a different meaning. People without any intention of getting married date and kids at 12 find it comfortable to do so. Sex is normally the first agenda of the dating list while many get bruised and battered and end up with heart breaks. This doesn’t distract the fact that dating is necessary for those that are qualified to date.
This post highlights 7 tips that would help serious minded people in dating relationships. Some of them I learnt from single conferences I attended in the past while others I learnt from experience.
1. Learn to crawl before you walk
Dating should be a process and things should be taken one step at a time. Meeting someone today and getting married in a fortnight cannot be true love. You barely know the persons name. Getting hitched because you are desperate to get laid isn’t the best and would most definitely not last. These has become the status quo for celebrities but shouldn’t be emulated.
How long the dating period last can be an indication of the premium placed on the relationship. At one extreme, a person seeking a one night stand or a victim to add to the hit list wouldn’t spend much time investing in the relationship. A true relationship should develop overtime with mutual trust earned and confidence in each other built.
2. Be natural
Be yourself, don’t pretend to be who you are not, some people call this ‘forming’. It’s deception and always backfires. In as much as you should be honest in your relationship. You shouldn’t give out too much too soon. Having to tell your date your life history in your first night out would not be appropriate and is a sign of immaturity. Take things slowly and be systematic about the amount of information you divulge. As your trust and confidence in the relation builds up over time you can share more and reveal deeper issues. That way you won’t get hurt if the relationship doesn’t go any deeper. At least you haven’t given out information at that stage that you would regret or be ashamed of.
3. Remember you are still single
It is very easy to dissociate yourself from friends and family when dating. Your new found love suddenly takes you time and resources that no one else seems to exist. You hardly have time for your close friends nor do you have time to partake in your usual routine. Perhaps this is more common with ladies than with men. Men sometimes brag about their love with friends and are more likely to seek opinions from them. There are a few ladies that keep their date secret even from their close friends.
When dating you should maintain your individuality and have a separate life with friends. Your date shouldn’t take your whole, life keep your friends informed and perhaps introduce your date to them and get their opinions and weigh them. Remember if things don’t work out with your date it’s your friend and family that would pick you up. If you get rid of them because of you new found love where you would turn to for help, support and advise.
Keep your normal daily routine and please don’t skip lectures or classed because of your date. You’ll be ruining your future as an individual and for both of you if you eventually get married. Remember also that until marriage your commitment should be more to your friends and family and not your date.
4. Stay in the real world
It is good to be optimistic and exercise faith however when dating keep things in the present. Don’t fantasies and build castles in the air. You would be setting yourself up for heart breaks. I have heard and spoken to ladies who begin to fantasies about the children they would have after their first date. Some take it a step further by giving names to the children and by practising to sign signatures with their married names.
It is easy to be carried away like this especially when a guy sweeps you off your feet with his charms or perhaps you’ve been waiting for so long and you dreams seem to be coming through. To save you self from emotional trauma try to keep things in the present and take the relationship one step at a time.
5. Don’t change too much too soon
At some stage in your relationship you should have an idea of your similarities and differences and might consider make adjustments over time to arrive at a compromise if you intend to take it to the next level. However, you shouldn’t change religion place o worship after you first date because you date isn’t affiliated to it. Neither should you become someone else or something else to please your date. Taking up huge financial commitments by buying a car, house etc to make a point is uncalled for.
The amount and level of change should be proportional to the depth of the relationship and commitment. You may consider relocating to be closer to your date after careful consideration. Distance could be a hindrance in a relationship. This could imply changing jobs and place of worship.
6. Apply equal efforts
Both parties should show equal commitment to the relationship. It should be symbiotic and not parasitic. It would be one sided for one person to a always make the phone calls and efforts to bond. Also always receive gifts, cards and compliments without reciprocating are selfish and detrimental to the relationship.
7. Freedom of expression
Be free to express yourself. Perfect love cast out all fear. If you feel threatened or intimidated in a relationship, then you have no business being in it. It doesn’t mean you should drive you mouth out of control but be tactful and wise in your communication.